My first STD was from a foam party
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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