so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
