dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize