sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize