i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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