Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So vagazzling was a success
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
