I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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