I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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