I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
