i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It was confusing and full of hummus
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Randomize
