Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
