Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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