Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
