why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
