let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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