Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
