So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
