i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
