Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
