For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
