The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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