just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
