Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
