he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
