dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
