You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i came on her dog
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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