Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
