I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
