As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
