I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
