If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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