the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
