how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
