Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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