im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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