God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I deserve this hangover.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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