I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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