Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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