I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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