Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
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All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again