Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen