The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.