hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize