Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
