Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"