Don't make out with my wife yet
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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