i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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