I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
