Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
