i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize