Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
