Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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