I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
