its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
