Three words: puerto rican gang bang
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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