Pappa wants mamma naked
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
