She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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