I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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