i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
