and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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