At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
