I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
