i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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