You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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