I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
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