What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
