It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
