when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
