I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
