sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
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He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
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the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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