This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
